The Importance of Reputation

Last night, my sister, Balquees told me she had waited in the car for me for 40 minutes without me knowing that she was out there.  I was really surprised and shocked to hear she had waited so long when she knew exactly where I was sitting and what area of the cafe I was in.  She proceeded to tell me that, finally, an Indian waiter alerted me that my sister was waiting for me in her car in the parking lot (out of plain view).  I grabbed my stuff and walked to the car.  

Balquees greeted me with a quick hello and then a comment that at first confused me, “That guy made me so frustrated”.  I asked her why.  She continued, “I told that Indian man to go and find you and that you were outside.  I waited for 40 minutes because the first time, he went to the cafe and found that woman who is a waitress and told her that her sister was waiting for her and she shooed him away”.  Balquees continued, “I tried to explain to him that you were outside but he just took so long to find you”.  I asked her why she did not just call me on my phone.  She had run out of phone credit.  It troubled me and I became really curious why she did not simply get out of the car and walk the short distance to the cafe to get me.  

Balquees politely explained that in her culture it is not acceptable for her to get out of the car this late at night to just go into the cafe even though it was only to just get me because it is near her house and all the men there are from her neighborhood.  She was worried the men would talk and then her reputation, her family’s reputation would be a little bit tarnished.  The men would talk about wondering why this woman was out alone at night at the hookah bar.  I do not fully understand why this is an issue but it was clear that she was very uncomfortable with getting out of the car at that hour (even though she was wearing a full abaya and hijab).  

I was confused because she went with me and my friend to a hookah restaurant about 20 minutes away from her neighborhood and it was dark when we arrived and that somehow was okay.  I think it was awkward because it was only men outside on the patio I was sitting out on.   Something I never even thought about.  

As a western woman, it is permissible for me to go alone at night to a neighborhood cafe and eat, drink a tea, and have some shisha if I please.  The men will think “oh, that is how her people are, so it’s okay”.  But, if an Omani woman is seen doing the things I do and dressing the way I do, it seems that her reputation and the reputation of her family would be tarnished as that is not how they were raised to act and gain respect from their communities.  

After thinking more about this realization and experience, I decided to research Omani women etiquette on google.com.